


Castiel's Conscientiousness

by lily rose (annabeth)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel-centric, Drabbles, F/M, Gen, allusions to het
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:14:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29653938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annabeth/pseuds/lily%20rose
Summary: Castiel is not as pure or righteous as he appears.
Relationships: Castiel/Anna Milton
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	Castiel's Conscientiousness

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally published to either LJ or DW in 2008 (I can't be certain where it appeared first, because when LJ went full Russian I deleted all my fic over there). I'm reposting now to AO3 at the behest of one of my friends. (You know who you are; I'm too lazy to try to figure out how to link to you, ha.)

Castiel can never forget. He's over two thousand years old, and angels were never meant to suffer human feelings. 

Anna'd kissed Dean. She'd done it in front of him, like she didn't recollect. Like her memory'd been wiped, like she didn't know the touch of his hands on her shoulders. 

Like if she felt the warmth of his eyes on her back, she didn't care. 

_It's all I can think about,_ she'd said. He'd begged her not to try it. Opened himself up completely, bleeding for her to see. Her eyes held his the entire time. 

She'd never loved him. 

*

Her eyes held his the entire time. Her grace, shredded apart from her heavenly body, and then just _falling_. 

Castiel watched, nothing he could do. Reached for her, once-- 

Angels don't have the range of human emotion. But he could feel _love_. Could feel himself headed after. 

How long had she been gone? No way to tell. The centuries passed in a flicker of his eyes. 

How long had she been human? How many times had she been born? 

Why didn't she remember him? Why didn't she remember _love_? 

What could he do? He couldn't fall; he had a mission. 

*

Castiel hungered for kisses. He thirsted for her saliva in his mouth. It was a wholly unfamiliar emotion; he was descending by degrees. He could feel it, the minute tears in his grace. 

Anna'd slept with Dean. She'd reached for human completion, imperfect pleasure, and she'd grasped it. 

Castiel had been sent to take it away. It was part of the job. Bring Anna back, kill her. 

He didn't want to. He wanted her hands -- her shoulders against his chest. 

She absorbed her grace, convulsed under the onslaught. 

Castiel ripped it all away from her. Could do nothing but watch. 

*

It was his fault. She was gone, swallowed up by her essence, called home in disgrace. 

He could still feel her eyes, focused on Dean. Could remember the way she was warm, like a human. 

It was his fault. He could've touched her. Could've-- 

But no. Uriel was watching, holding Castiel by the wing-feathers. 

Nothing he could do. He could still feel it, though. The doubts. Anna'd placed them deep within his heart. Dean had watered the seeds. 

They sprouted, and Castiel stared at the place where Anna'd been. Stared and breathed with borrowed lungs. He wanted. Wanted Anna. 

*

Castiel was falling. Dean was helping Sam up, and Ruby was bleeding. Castiel just didn't fit. Uriel had a purpose, would never waver. Ruby had an alliance, would never betray. 

Dean had a responsibility, would never be swayed from it. And Sam had a secret, would never express it. 

Castiel was falling faster all the time. He watched Sam. Knew what Sam could do. 

He disagreed with Uriel. Disagreed with the great, ineffable plan. 

There were things Sam could do. Castiel watched, and felt the vertigo. 

He didn't subscribe to the Dean camp. 

He followed Sam. He waited. 

He fell. 

End.


End file.
